April marks National Stress Awareness Month and this is a good opportunity to recognize the big impact of stress on children and adolescents. Youth often experience significantly more stress and at much higher intensities than their parents are aware of. 1 Children can also have a hard time opening up about how stressed they really are.
Where does stress come from?
Stress is inevitable and happens every day. However, chronic and/or unpredictable stress can be overwhelming to deal with. In children and teens, academic stress is the most prevalent and impactful type of chronic stress.
Common sources of stress:
- High academic expectations
- Heavy academic workloads
- Packed extracurricular schedules
- Peer conflict
- Social media (e.g, cyberbullying, feeling pressured to maintain a perfect online persona, and social comparisons with peers)
Children are also sensitive to stress at home. Even when parents do not directly tell their children about their personal “adult” stresses, these experiences still influence their mood and how they interact with family members. Children pick up on these changes and can feel sad, worried, frustrated, or stressed.
Common home stressors:
- Parental job stress
- Family financial difficulties
- Marriage conflict
- Adjusting to a new sibling or blended family
- Moving to different homes and schools
Impact of stress on children and teens
Chronic stress can impact your child’s well-being in multiple ways.
Mental effects of stress:
- Difficulty concentrating
- Trouble paying attention
- Hard time remembering things
Physical effects of stress:
- Fatigue
- Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
- Overeating or skipping meals
- Body pain and discomfort (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, indigestion, muscle tension and pain)
Psychological effects of stress:
- Sadness
- Nervousness
- Irritability (e.g., moodyness, crankyness)
- Feeling angry all the time or getting into fights
- Social withdrawal
Chronic stress from academics can also lead to burnout:
- Feel exhausted by academic demands
- Reduced interest and motivation in school
- Strong feelings of inadequacy and incompetence
- Try to avoid going to school altogether
Why isn’t my kid talking to me?
Despite how stressed many kids and teens are, many have a hard time talking to their parents about it. Some common reasons why:
- Don’t want to make their parents worry or feel upset
- Feel like they’ll be bothering their parents who are also very busy and stressed
- Fear that they’ll be seen as lazy or trying to “get out of” doing something
- Worry that they won’t be taken seriously (“it’s not that big of a deal!”)
- Afraid that they’ll be seen as a failure or disappointment
What can parents do to help?
Here are some tips to support your family in fostering healthy communication and practicing stress management.
1. Pay attention to changes in mood and behavior.
- When you notice changes like those described above, it’s a good time to check in with your child.
2. Encourage open communication.
- Offer space for children to talk about their feelings and worries without judgment
- Ask if they want to talk about it and tell them you’ll be there when they are ready
- Acknowledge that it can be hard to open up and that even if they don’t want to talk yet, you can still do relaxing or fun activities to de-stress
- Focus on just listening to your child
- Allow them to speak freely without interrupting
- Validate their challenges with warmth and empathy (e.g., “Yeah, that sounds like a lot to deal with and it’s making you feel really bad.”)
- Praise them for speaking up and advocating for themselves
- Ask “What can I do to help?” (e.g., comfort or problem solving)
3. Set a positive example.
- Practice your own stress-management strategies and invite your child to participate
- Recognize and praise effort, growth, creativity, and curiosity and not just the ideal end result
- Reframe setbacks or mistakes as learning experiences
- Prioritize physical and emotional well-being for long-term success
- Include children in the conversation and decision making about academic activities and extracurriculars
- Normalize stepping back from activities when you feel overwhelmed
- Encourage finding balance between obligations and “me-time”/rest time
- Verbally recognize positive qualities in your child
- Nurture positive self-worth that isn’t directly tied to getting it right, being the best at something, or doing better than someone else
4. Encourage a healthy lifestyle and practice self-nurturing.
As a family, you can encourage sustainable and healthy lifestyle practices through regular sleep, eating, and physical activity. Many youth default to using passive screen time and video games to reduce stress, but parents can support them in trying additional activities such as:
- Yoga, Taichi, pilates
- Taking a walk
- Dancing, Zumba
- Singing, karaoke
- Doodling, drawing, arts and crafts
- Building Legos and other building kits
- laying with slime, kinetic sand, Play-Doh, or other sensory activities
- Knitting and crochet
- Participating in activities that feel meaningful or bring joy and satisfaction
