The intersection of social anxiety and self-esteem

Social anxiety is a common experience, the intensity of which can range from tiresome to debilitating. It is defined as an intense fear of scrutiny, judgment, embarrassment, and/or humiliation that impairs a person’s ability to function in social settings. It can be such a nuisance that it’s probably unfathomable to think that it is actually something your brain does to protect you! But ironically, experts theorize that social anxiety does have evolutionary benefits.

There are multiple theories about how social anxiety has evolved for the purpose of survival. One theory involves social competition, and posits that social anxiety helps us to perceive and address threats to our social status. Another theory is based on social exclusion, stating that social anxiety actually protects interpersonal relationships by alerting us when the risk of rejection has been detected.

How then does social anxiety relate to self esteem? There are studies that do confirm an inverse relationship between self esteem and social anxiety; that is to say, lower self-esteem is usually correlated with higher rates of social anxiety. However, as with all things psychological – it’s also more complicated than that! Self-compassion, historical experiences, current support systems, and corrective experiences all play a role.

Self-esteem does not exist independently of social interactions; in fact, the two are highly connected and influence each other greatly. One theory (called sociometer theory) actually posits that self-esteem is itself a gauge of how we perceive our social/relational value, implying that our views of ourselves are inherently dependent on how we think others view us.

So what does this all mean? It means that we don’t have to wait till we develop perfect self-esteem levels to address our social anxiety. Society often tells us things like, “You have to love yourself before you can love or be loved by others” – but in fact, research suggests that loving and being loved by others is crucial to loving yourself. Putting yourself out there by seeking social connection – as risky and anxiety-inducing as it seems – is crucial.

If your social anxiety is going beyond the occasional discomfort in social settings – if it’s impairing your ability to maintain relationships, preventing you from attending events or functions, or impacting your career – it may be time to seek help. Individual therapy, group therapy, and medications can all bring you some relief. Moreover, the earlier that social anxiety is detected and treated, the better the outcomes. So although the thought of seeking treatment maybe as scary or even scarier than the thought of socializing, there is hope on the other side.

So the next time that fear of judgment starts to creep in as you head to a party or to grab coffee with a friend – say hello to it, thank it for trying to protect you, and remind it that taking this risk is important. You don’t have to wait for fear to subside in order to be brave – socially or otherwise. In fact, in the long run, being brave may actually be what helps the fear to subside.

Created by:
Abigail Schoenberg, LMFT